Denying a man sex is a big issue. I have an ex-wife who did that to me. ''Alikuwa na excuses ''(She was full of excuses)and made it seem like sleeping with me was doing me a favor.
I have a policy that when we have an issue, we solve it na mwenye amekosea anasema pole(and whoever is wrong appologise) and we move on. But with her, she used to use sex as a weapon.
When I thought we are done with the issue, I would realize that she is still holding a grudge and any attempt to initiate sex was met with an excuse. I had legally married her and paid dowry so it seriously hurt.
One day I got tired and swore to never ask for sex from her again. I never cheated but kinda turned off that switch. Nikifika home(once i get home), we had the normal family time and when we go to bed I just slept. After one week without touching her she started asking why I never initiated sex. I told her she could initiate too and because of pride, she didn't.
We would just have our normal and the family life was okay but i totally avoided the sex topic. She became so suspicious and started accusing me of cheating. She said that because I had not been sleeping with her, I must be getting it elsewhere.
I rubbished the claim and I remember that night when we got to bed she started to touch me in an attempt to initiate sex. I didn't respond. All my feelings for her had vanished and been replaced by deep hatred. I remember I got so mad. I pushed her hand away forcefully and she looked at me shaking with fear.
I guess she thought I was gonna hit her. I told her to never touch me again. The next weeks she was so eager to talk so that we solve the problem. I told her point blank that her habit of denying me sex had made me lose interest in her and that I never thought I could love her again. This broke her. She asked both parents to intervene but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't forgive her and to be honest, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make love to her.
The sexual attraction had gone. I could begin so well then after some minutes, I couldn't go on. She tried so hard to fix the marriage. She cried, apologized a million times and she lost weight due to stress. I was like "haiya, kumbe ulikuwa na haja na ndoa"( ooh, so were interested in the marriage). We separated and later divorced a year later.
Ladies, you would rather find other conflict resolution skills rather than deny a man sex. That's like the only thing we marry you for. To a man, it hurts and the moment ''mwanaume amekutoa kwa roho'' that's it. Some of you lost your men to other women and you started accusing other women of using witchcraft. To be honest, there is rarely witchcraft involved.
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